Alone

This is really hard for me to admit. I feel alone right now. Not just phsically alone, I have family around. I feel spiritually alone. I feel like God has turned his back on me. Let me explain; as you may or may not know, the last three years I have been fighting a battle for my health and indeed sometimes even my life. I have spent 7 months out of the last three years on life support.

What I don't understand is if God cared about me why would he allow this to happen and why does it feel like I'm on my own? This is going to be an open thread. If anyone has any answers I would appreciate it.

Oppression and Depression

I know, it's been a while since I've posted. I can't even say I've been busy. I was talking to a pastor about this today in fact. I think it's a deep oppression that's fed by depression.

Let me explain. When you are used to being busy all the time and having a life, and then all of a sudden you don't you tend to say that "well, this is all my life is going to be", and then you loose the drive to do anything. I think that Satan can use this against you in your spiritual walk with the Lord. I know he has with me. This oppression is fed by clinical depression and things just get worse.

That's what has been going on with me the last couple of weeks. I have just been focused on how mundane and monochromatic my life has been, and what I can't do. Because of that, I loose sight of what I can do, or what God can do through me.

So, I will make a promise to God, myself, and you, my reader. I will get back into the word, and focus more on what God can do through me, or what I can do instead of what I am no longer able to do.

Selfish Self Pity

I learned a lot about selfish self pity this weekend. I have been indulging in that a lot lately, and it's wrong. Job knew a lot about suffering and taught me a lot about how to respond to it.

1 In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. 2 He had seven sons and three daughters, 3 and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East.
4 His sons used to take turns holding feasts in their homes, and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. 5 When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would send and have them purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, "Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular custom.

Job had it all, his life was great. He had children, he had wealth and security, and he was a righteous man in the eyes of God. Then Satan decided to test him, and God allowed it. That's when Job's life fell apart.

6 One day the angels [a] came to present themselves before the LORD , and Satan [b] also came with them. 7 The LORD said to Satan, "Where have you come from?"
Satan answered the LORD , "From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it."

8 Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."

9 "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. 10 "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."

12 The LORD said to Satan, "Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger."

Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD .

13 One day when Job's sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother's house, 14 a messenger came to Job and said, "The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, 15 and the Sabeans attacked and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

16 While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, "The fire of God fell from the sky and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

17 While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, "The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

18 While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, "Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother's house, 19 when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!"

20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:



"Naked I came from my mother's womb,

and naked I will depart. [c]

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

may the name of the LORD be praised."



22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

May the name of the Lord be praised? What a difficult thing to do when you have lost everything including your children. Ahh, but it goes on. This isn't the end of Job's troubles.

1 On another day the angels [d] came to present themselves before the LORD , and Satan also came with them to present himself before him. 2 And the LORD said to Satan, "Where have you come from?"
Satan answered the LORD , "From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it."

3 Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason."

4 "Skin for skin!" Satan replied. "A man will give all he has for his own life. 5 But stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face."

6 The LORD said to Satan, "Very well, then, he is in your hands; but you must spare his life."

7 So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. 8 Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.

9 His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!"

10 He replied, "You are talking like a foolish [e] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

So, now God has given Satan permission to not only mess with Job's family, but to afflict him with painful sores (or illness). How does Job respond to this? Well we see how his wife responds to it, she says why don't you curse God and die. In that culture that was the same as saying why don't you just commit suicide. You have to remember that she's lost her kids, she's lost her wealth and security, and she's watched her husband go through all of this to. She seems to be having a fairly normal reaction. But, Job.... Job reacts to it quite differently. He says "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

My Pastor said something very hard hitting when he gave this sermon Sunday morning. He said that when things are at there worst and we want to curse God and die, God is calling us to worship him. I know, it's hard to do. This is something that I have struggled with these last two years. But, it is true none the less. Look at God's response to how Job handled these trials. When he lost everything he owned and his children, Job said "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

When Job was stricken with illness his wife said curse God and die. He said You are talking like a foolish woman. God said that in all this Job did not sin in what he said.

This is a hard thing to learn. It's really hard to live. But, God calls us to do it. Lord, please help me to praise you when things seem to be at their worst. Please forgive me for my selfish self pity.

Cross posted @: Thinking Right

God Give Me Strength

I am facing surgery on April 6th. I am sceard but I know that His will will be done. I also know that I cannot face this alone, and I don't have to. He is there by my side.

Sudan, China, or the US, Were All One Body

My good friend and fellow brother in Christ, Jared, has a great post up about the body of Christ and how when one part suffers we all suffer. We here in America are so fortunate. For us suffering for Christ may mean loosing our job or ridicule from our fellow countrymen. In places like the Sudan, China, or most parts of the middle east it means death. How fortunate we are to be able to worship our Lord and Savior whenever and wherever we choose. Go check out Jared's post. He says it much more eloquently than I ever could.

Who Am I?

My name is Jim. I run one other blog called Thinking Right, it's political, this one won't be. This blog, this attempt to lift up and worship my Lord and Savior has come from a long painfull journey.

The journey began many years ago when I was a child. I don't remember the date that it happened, the start of this journey, but I remember it started at a Billy Graham crusade here in Denver. That's when I first asked Jesus into my heart. I remember it was such a neat feeling. Like a giant weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

The years past, and I grew in my relationship to the Lord. Then sometime after I got out of High School I began to drift away from Him. Two years ago, I got very ill and had to be put on life support. I was on a ventilator for three months, and when I awoke I found my life had changed. God began to use this tragedy in my life to bring me back to Him.

I was angry at first. Why did this happen to me? Now see He allowed it to happen because He loved me. That's where I find myself today.

So, what I hope to do with this blog is to document my walk with Him as I find out what He wants me to do with the rest of my life. I also plan on covering items in the news that apply to our Christian life, and whats happening to our brothers and sisters around the world. I promise to try to stay away from politics though.